People think of this saying “fourth trimester” as how the baby is adjusting to life. But how is Mom doing? She just went through a huge shift in her life. I often see Mom’s who are in their 20s or 30s prior to getting pregnant they are in a really a good place. These women know a little more about who they are, they are happy with where they are in life, they have navigated through challenges and have the skills to do it. Then after birth things shift. Life is completely new and the awareness and understanding in their life is shaken up. The skills they have known might not be helpful any longer.
So what do we need during this time, during a time when we are learning to just be with our baby? The emphasis in our society during this time is really on the baby. You are taking baby to check ups and people are ooohing and aweing over them. But Mom is going through so much internally. You are exhausted, learning to care for your baby, and going 24 hours. If you have any other children they need you too. The sense of aloneness can really increase during this period. If your partner went back to work you might be home alone for long hours.
What can we do to feel better during this time? Create your village. Connect with other women who understand. Just having her there to listen and tell you this is hard, things will get easier, you will feel better. These other women can offer perspective and will help you feel less alone. Text them, call them, invite them over, and do it often. This connection can come from partners, friends, doulas, other birth educators, yoga classes, or parenting groups, it could be a stranger in the store. Some of us don’t have that close village and that is okay. There are ways to reach out even before baby arrives to start building your mom connections. If this is you, you can look for prenatal yoga classes, birth classes, mom groups in your community or on social media. The moms in these groups are there for similar reasons, this is why these communities exist. The age old saying as “it takes a village” is real, except we don’t live in villages anymore and sometimes our families aren’t round us or don’t offer the support we need. Please know you can build your village and that it will be invaluable during this time. If you know someone who might need some support during this time, reach out help them, give them some perspective, and take a little aloneness away for them.
If you are having a hard time during this period and interested in a postpartum group (moms of babies up to 1 year old) please reach out. We are always forming new groups and meet weekly. I can also help connect you with some other local groups.